The plus size debate hits home.

Hey,
        So I know alot of you will be aware that especially in the UK there is a massive debate on as to if the words "Plus Size" should be banned, as you may or may not know I am a "plus size" girl, but then I think most women these days are plus size as, while researching plus size brackets this morning I was horrified  to find that most online shops I visited started plus size ranges for women's UK size 14's. Let me tell you I would kill to be a size 14 instead of the size I am!!

I don't find the words plus size offensive infact I couldn't care less what bracket i get put in i'm fat I know I am, I dislike being fat so I am doing something about it, what I do Despise is that shops have such massive differences in sizing, I range in 3 dress size bracket's depending on what shop I am in or ordering from, I also despise that because I am a plus size that 90% of the clothes available are either,
A) Black
B) Gran's curtain floral
C) 40's- 50's style rocker skirts
D) Just plain frumpy
E) Way too expensive

I want to be able to know what size I actually am because my body doesn't change 2 dress size's by walking two minutes to a different shop, I also want fashionable clothing, i'm 25 and i'd like to dress my age not have to dress in clothing to suit me in ten years time.

I also have a difficult Bra size and because of that I have to spend a fortune on decent Bra's or just bare bad fitting decent priced ones. I'm pissed off with being put in a bracket where you have to spend a fortune to clothe yourself and where you never know what size you truly are!

And for those reading this thinking well do something about your weight, I am, I hate being the size (size's) that I am, I hate having nothing nice to wear but it took me a long time to gain the weight I did and it will take a long time to get it off again so in that time i'd like to feel nice about myself and with the range available at the moment I don't feel that's possible for me and that's what pisses me off.

Dirty people.

Hi, so I know I have OCD so I see clean and dirty (among other things) differently to "normal" people BUT, it drives me crazy when people are just filthy through pure laziness. People will say things like "Oh I just don't have time" or "It will keep till tomorrow." I'm sorry? you don't have 2 minutes to run a hoover round and spray some air freshener? and its your it will keep attitude that now has 20+ years worth of filth built up in your house! It angers me so much as to how people can just wallow in their own filth and give excuse after excuse as to why they haven't cleaned it, either admit you are a lazy fat ass and cant be bothered to clean up after yourself or just shut up about it. There are few people that really bother me in life but people that come near me or my home, reeking of their own piss and smelling like they haven't bathed in the past 20 years plus is just un- acceptable. Sorry I dont really have much to say about it other than pick up a disinfectant wipe and a hoover and clean your house's you scummy buggers!!

Insomnia, my point of veiw.

Ok again it's been a while, I don't like feeling pressure to do anything. I blog when I want to or when there is something to blog about.  Right now I'm blogging because it's 2:48am and I honestly cannot remember the last time I had a decent nights sleep and that is NOT ok.  I was diagnosed with insomnia many a moon ago (see what I did there) and I was prescribed some little green pills that knocked me out, I stopped taking them after a while because I hated feeling like a zombie all the time,  and the irony of that is not lost on me because I also feel like a zombie without Mr knock you out pills. But I'm a Mum and Steve (my long-term boyfriend ) is diabetic so I need to be awares of our child and him incase anything goes wrong so no pills, so what am I to do I have tried meditation, Hypnotherapy,  cutting out caffeine etc, etc, I'm at my whits end. And of course my fellow insomniacs will get this as probably women in general, when you are tired but your mind won't switch off you think and think and over think.

Thoughts in my mind right now:
* Did I just hear a noise
* Oh it was just the cat.... I think, please be just the cat
* Am I really hearing noises or is my mind playing tricks on me?
* Should I go check out noise or wake Steve and make him check it out?
* Noise stopped? Must of been cat
* I've got so Much to do before the school term starts again argh
* My son is five, I'm the mother of a five year old, when the he'll did that happen?
* Am I a good Mum?
* Do they know I love them? Do I tell them enough?
* Why did I have to go through the hell I did before finding Steve?
* Argh stupid auto correct
* My tummy is growling so much right now
* Why do I feel so alone?
* Ahh look at Steve sleeping, smug little fucker
* I love him really I'm just tired
* Only a couple of hours before little dude is out of bed is there any point in sleeping now?
* I really am tired so why don't I sleep?

And many, many more believe me.

Someone once asked me if insomnia is like the narrator from Fight club describes it,  I said no,  they asked why, I replied "Because he is fictional and I am not." The truth is, and this is from my experience,  insomnia is dirty, you hear your stomach digest what you have eaten, you feel your mouth and the back of your throat get dryer and dryer. You feel your eyes turn
from eyes to dry scratchy balls in your skull, you hear your blood pumping around you as you lay in damnation wishing, willing your eyes to droop and close and for sleep to overcome you in black night, you hear noises that don't exist, you hear that stupid buzz,  ring sound in your ear and out WON'T go away.

It's now 3:23am, I could carry on about how insomnia makes me feel and maybe I will another night but for now...

Bye.